More about 'that night'

I am at a Sex Party in an apartment in Williamsburg.  My date and I are in the luxurious back room having the beginnings of a fantastic fuck.  The night is relatively young, and most of the other guests are still around the perimeter of the main room chatting awkwardly.

The couch in the room with the bed my parter and I are fucking on is quickly gathering eager voyeurs.  My partner and I don't mind.  We came to have a good time and neither of us pay them any mind.  Now what I have to tell you about my partner and I is that we tend to be very acrobatic in bed.  Her petite frame and rock-climbing experience combined with my lifting background from dance and cirque make for some pretty spectacular activities.

In the midst of one of our exploits, I notice that the host of the party is at the side of the bed trying to get my attention.  We pause, and she suggests we move our scene into the main room.  She is anxious to "get the party started" and wants more 'visibility' for, apparently, the only action going on at that point.  I look to my date and ask if she minds being these people's center piece.  She shrugs and says she doesn't mind.  Now, I should also tell you that I was booked to do a contortion performance for this party later in the evening.  But I had every intention of making full use of the accommodations before I even considered "work".

Now I'm expecting a carpet or a mattress center stage where my date and I can continue mauling each other.  But as we venture into the main room, I see that there nothing but an open hardwood floor.  I turn to her and invite her to climb into my arms as we'd done numerous times at fetish clubs.  Our SM scenes at those clubs were pretty spectacular where I would hold her up in the air as I dug my nails into her sides and embedded my teeth in her thighs.  But this was the first time I'd found myself with her where sex was permitted.  She and I begin what I have since termed vertical sex.

In my standard base position for circus lifting, legs bent wide for easy climbing with a low center of gravity for stability, she moves around my arms and torso easily and sensuously.  Her skin feels so extraordinary to my tongue and fingertips.  Her taste is intoxicating and I seem to have an unlimited amount strength and passion for her body.  For a while I just enjoy our normal positions with her hanging with her legs around my neck as I caress and tongue her delicious body.  But as we gain momentum, I begin taking her into positions that we'd never tried.  I find movement sequences I'd only used in dance duets with aerialists.  I hold her inverted on the top of my thigh as I make-out with her crotch and cradle her in my arms as I finger her.  Her legs extend in all directions as my passionate mouth worships her flesh.  I notice how graceful and delicate the entire exchange is.  I am realizing all of the sex fantasies I'd ever had about any dance partner I'd ever had.  I even find my new favorite same-sex sexual position: She climbs over my shoulder and straddles my upper torso.  I hold my arm up behind her and experience ecstasy as I finger her G-spot and lick her clitoris over my right shoulder.

After we come down from our fuck session and get a glass of water for my date and I, a friend of mine that had been watching says he was debating whether that WAS my performance, or if I was just having sex.

I was struck by his comment and began to think about the performative aspects of my sexual activities.  And I realized that performative was not about creating something artificial but about sharing something powerful with an audience.  The genuineness and sincerity of the act need not be avoided for the sake of performance.  I thought about my relationship to performing sex with Burlesque and Porn and knew that my relationship to "performing sex" had changed.  I wanted to remove the veil of artifice from the representation of sex.  I wanted to share genuine moments of intimacy with an audience.